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    December 18, 2005 - Virgin lust versus non-virgin lust


    (This is obviously written from a guy's point of view and has adult content.)

    Physical lust is one of our fiercest temptations and struggles because we're sinful bastages.  Date one of us at your own risk.

            It struck me the other day, not all lust is created equal.  I say this in the context of lust from the vantage point of a virgin, and from that of a non-virgin.  These two sexual states are obviously different and I believe that they do, or at least should, translate into different perspectives on lust.

            Whether we like it or not, sex is greatly hyped, greatly over-hyped, by our society, media, peer groups, etc.  This social decadence phenomenon inevitably raises our expectations of sex beyond that of intended and makes them unrealistic in most cases (of course our actions and state of mental purity can affect the degree as to which our expectations are skewed from their intended level).  My guess is that in almost all cases when someone loses their virginity, their expectations of what sex should be are not met, at least physically.  This isn't to say that sex probably isn't an amazing experience (physically speaking), but I'd venture to guess that more often than not guys after their first time say to themselves "That's it?" (perhaps girls feel that also, but I can't know).  Again, I'm not suggesting sex is mundane, but let's be honest, it's gotta be a bit of a let down to a guy when he realizes the end climax of sex is exactly the same as the one he's probably already dabbled in a few times before - not that he wouldn't have expected this logically...but when sex is involved, people don't seem to think very logically.  That said, I believe this realization affects the way we look at lust.
            When a virgin guy lusts, he has no idea what sex is like in reality.  Chances are he has a over-hyped and false expectation of it.  When a guy who already has had sex lusts, he does have an idea of what sex is like.  And although I'm sure he has a very high, excitable view of its attraction (which is normal), I bet also he realizes it's not the life-changing, consequence-less "eternal state of nirvana" that the media often portrays it to be.  The virgin guy does not know this experientially and lust is simply an appetizer to the "ultimate".  He may or may not believe the hype, but he does not empirically know like the non-virgin guy does.  Why I contrast these two guys is because I feel, and this is my ignorant feeling/observation, that it should be easier for a guy who has already had sex to resist lustful temptation then it should be for a virgin - in theory, because of the aforementioned reasons.  This isn't to say the lustful object, whatever it is, isn't as equally carnally appealing to both guys, but I would think that the non-virgin, who hopefully realizes that sex isn't the end-all-be-all, would use this knowledge to his advantage in resisting the temptation.  The virgin doesn't have the luxury of this knowledge, at least experientially, and therefore doesn't have it to help resist the temptation.  Essentially what I'm saying is that it is harder for a virgin to resist sexual temptation than it is a non-virgin.  The non-virgin could have the ability to say "Been there, done that, it ain't worth it," whereas the virgin could not.

            Now the counter argument could be made that is actually easier for a virgin to resist sexual temptation than a non-virgin because the virgin hasn't had sex yet and doesn't know how alluring the temptation is because he hasn't had it - much like it'd be easier for a guy who's never smoked a cigarette to turn it down then a guy who has smoked.  This has some merit, but I don't know if it stands stronger than my argument.  I believe the pull of our sexual imaginations/fantasies is much greater than that of our known sexual realities.  Sure a guy that has had sex probably really enjoyed it and like a cigarette, crack, or World of Warcraft, probably has a strong pull towards it that a non-user doesn't.  But I still believe the realization that sex isn't the end-all-be-all is a slightly stronger ally to a man wishing to resist lust then the sexual ignorance of a virgin.  (I'm not invoking the greatest weapon against temptation in Jesus on purpose because that's sort of already implied to my readers hopefully).  This counter-argument rebuttal could be strengthened using the Fall as an analogy.  Of course Adam and Eve weren't better off after they ate the forbidden fruit, but they sure as heck knew that fruit wasn't all it was cracked up to be - or "hyped" to be.  I guarantee next time a serpent offered them a pineapple or pomegranate they would be more prone to consider the repercussions.  Not a clincher, but it helps my argument.
            Another counter-argument could be that if the guy has already done the sexual climax thing via solo means, shouldn't that be enough for him to realize it ain't all that as I've mentioned with the guy that has already had sex?  Well sure, a bit.  But we're kidding ourselves to think a virgin is ever going to equate the results they get from the one-player game with that of the two-player version.  Free-ware is good and all, but unlike software, the share-ware version has to be better.

            Finally, again I emphasize that I am not trying to marginalize sex at all.  In fact, I'm attempting to give it greater importance and sanctity.  Believe me, I'm very huge fan of sex and would very much like to see what all the hub-bub's about one day - God willing.  But I am not going to live my life focused on pursuing it and damn well won't get married solely because of that ( 1 Corinthians 7:9 is one of the most difficult verses for me to accept.  What happened to perseverance?  What happened to Christ being our sufficient strength?  What happened to Galatians 5:16 ?  It just seems like a cop out to me, too many people use it as justifications to get married too early, and it is probably one of the verses that causes me the most vexation).  That said, I do believe there is truth to what I'm saying about sex not being as monumental as everyone says, even the Church.  I'm sure there are more than a few non-virgin guys that would agree with me.
            Also, I'm not suggesting that guys that have had sex or are married that succumb to lust are any "less" or sinful than a virgin that succumbs, I'm just simply pointing out they have an "experiential resource" against the fallacy and lies that Satan throws at us when tempting us concerning sex that virgins simply do not.  I want every guy to find success and victory in this area of their life.  This article is merely an observational piece and hopefully it will spur thought and reflection on this matter - which hopefully will get guys, and girls, to realize the weight and severity of it.  None of my other peers are talking about these things…so I will.


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