» Random Thoughts Current RT's RT Archives		May 22nd, 2009- Lust of the Flesh: The Temporal Lose-Lose Result of Volitional Celibacy        There's a stat out there that says men on average think about sex every seven seconds.  Though I can't say men are out synchronizing their watches to it, I wouldn't be surprised that in a given day of 86,400 seconds, a fair amount of men think about sex (or sex-related thoughts) 12,343 out of those 86,400 seconds.  Yes women, we're worse then you thought.        The other day I saw a picture of a scantily clad attractive woman (surprise) and I lusted for her (surprise).  It's weird, when I commit the sin of lust, I'm not really thinking of actually having intercourse with that women (perhaps because I've never had sex and can't really conjure it up - it could be different for other men)…it's more of a "I'd like to be with her in a sexual type situation"; whatever that means.  Either way when I go down that lust path, I've decided in my mind to forgo both my true heart desire to respect and honor women and the Holy Spirit's prodding in my heart to resist that particular sin.  This is not a practice I'm ever proud of and the shame and conviction that follows far outweighs any cheap thrill I've obtained and failure of meaningful fulfillment I've tried to unsuccessfully obtain.  It's the epitome of a lose-lose situation; I've demeaned the woman and tragically marginalized God's pure and right plan for sexual fulfillment - leaving me destitute and once again desperately in need of God's restorative forgiveness and mercy.  If there's any ironic silver lining, I find David's Psalms that much more relevant.  Odd.  I guess it takes a sinner to know a sinner.        One of the most frustrating things about volitional virginity (the willful choice and lifestyle of waiting for marriage to have sex based on puritanical, selfless, and logical ideals) is the battle between the sinful nature and the righteous nature - imputed to a Christian believer after the moment of salvation and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit (Paul describes this nature struggle in much more detail in Romans).  I look at bikini-clad so-and-so and I want to mentally respect her, but it's so damn hard to (It's nice to know the greatest evangelist and missionary in Christian history had the same problem).  This is the frustration that is a guy wanting to remain virginal in deed and thought, but lives in a world that facilitates the exact opposite.        What's worse is the type of girl that I should want to pursue and consider as a spouse is one that should/would advertise in a way contrary to my sinful aspirations.  Well-placed modesty strikes a strong blow to mens' carnal desires across the world (there is a difference between "dressing to attract" and "dressing attractively").  Yet female modesty and purity interestingly, and I might add frustratingly, are the very attributes that kick our God-honoring sexuality into overdrive.  It's the best worst dichotomy…guys find purity so much more sexually attractive than the alternative.  That's why in so many cultures female virginity is seen as such a premium (though in many cultures for all the wrong reasons, but in some all the right)  Note to girls…you want to be uber physically attractive to guys?  Add modesty and purity to your lifestyle.  Oh so contrary to what your magazines say I know…  Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is in the temporal sense (prior to marriage) volitional virgins are caught between a rock and a hard place.  If we choose lust, we condemn ourselves to shame and emptiness.  If we choose purity, we place ourselves in a box we can't get out of (unless we get married that is - and there's no guarantee there).  It's like being a kid outside a toy store he wants to badly get into.  Make no mistake…volitional virginity sucks for the most part.  It seems so lose-lose.        I know I have so far neglected mentioning the collateral personal and spiritual gains and rewards the latter choice of purity reaps.  This choice leads one to exercise such noble virtues as restraint, patience, and self control; all imperative and rewarding characteristics that make an abundant, successful marriage tick.  Funny how God's ways always win out.  But that doesn't make the choice any easier to the guy that's not married and in the midst of the greatest battles he'll ever face.  Yes, I know the temptations don't diminish when you get married…but geez, when you have a legitimate outlet for your sexual desires, it's got to be a fair amount easier to deal with.  Married women, now you have an idea why some of your husbands quip about your weight and appearance from time to time.  Can you blame them? Just being brutally honest… Authors note:  This is one reason why I think couples that get married young, even volitional virgins, miss out on the character-refining qualities I've mentioned.  There's no way a teenager or young twenty-something could comprehend these qualities volitional virginity creates unless they go through at least a few character-revealing, adult years of its constrictive nature.  Further, I can't imagine more sexually driven and sexually excited creatures then those that go through this uniquely human gauntlet.  Wasn't it Nietzsche that said "what doesn't destroy me makes me stronger."?  To borrow from our nihilistic friend, I'd say "what ill-gotten sexual desire doesn't destroy us makes us more sensual." UPDATE: I've realized I may have given the impression getting married young doesn't have its fair share of character-refining qualities; because it does.  For one thing, it forces you to "grow up" in many positive ways and join the adult world full of its responsibilities.  It also relieves the potential stress, uncertainty, and loneliness that not being married often brings twenty and thirty-something's…emotions that can often control us and lead to bad decisions.  There are many others, as there are some disadvantages…but the same could be said for getting married older, or not getting married at all.  One thing I've realized is that God calls us and refines us in different ways.  The key is to understand when that refining is going on, and trusting him that he's doing it because he loves you and wants to give you more than you could imagine.  For what loving father would give their child a rock when they ask for bread, or a snake when they ask for a fish?

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