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June 2, 2005 - My life update People always ask how I'm doing. Usually in those cases time and circumstances prevent me from telling them how I'm really doing. So being that I'm an introvert, I'll tell you how I'm doing via my website. Impresonal? Sure. But at least I'm honest...unlike 99.6% of people are when you ask them "how they're doing". -It's funny, as much as I think things are going crappy, I look around at my life and I realize life is good. I'm perfectly healthy still, have lots of friends, a family that loves and cares for me, am in no danger of real persecution, have plenty of money, and plenty of materials. Yet I let stupid things like worrying about my future get in the way of being content in my circumstances (though some of that could be attributed to others forcing it upon me…but that's a different story). Anyways, I'm currently working in Fairfax, VA with a small IT company called NovaTech that I've worked for in the past. Some of you may remember me working as a federal contractor for the Secret Service. I was, for almost three years, but I've since moved on since the fall of 2004 (yes I miss all my girlfriends though…Allison, Elissa, Emily, Hailey, Jacyln, Ruth, Lisa). I started my new job with NovaTech in Feb. of 2005. It's been going well. It's part work, part studying for the Microsoft Certified Software Engineer certification I'm working towards. Another thing to note is that I'm planning on going back to school in the fall. It's a long story if you don't know my past (ask me one day and we'll sit and talk over a cup of coffee), but I've decided to go back and obtain a degree, as humbling as this experience has and will be. I'm going to restart at NOVA to get my feet wet again and gain some confidence before I plan on transferring to George Mason to finish my undergrad. Hopefully this will all work out this time… The M3 is doing good, though it needs a tune up and valve adjustment. I still haven't installed the Alpha-N engine management software/hardware on it yet ($400+ dyno fees), but hopefully I'll get to that by the end of the summer. Aesthetically it's still looking good, but a couple things are starting show because it hasn't been garaged in a while. Rikku is not doing too well though. She's had it tough the past year or so with major problems with the fuel injection system, as well as the ongoing rust issues. Hopefully I'll have her back on the road soon, but I'm starting to fear the worst for her. It's a shame too, cause I love her and don't know what I'll do if I can't have her anymore. Sad… I'm still living at home. I have no problems with this socially nor financially. I guess I'm starting to get the itch to move out, but considering the prices of room and board in this area, it will probably be some time before I can afford (comfortably) a place considering my current work/school situation. The parental relationship has been ok lately, usually only strained by my "other" relationships. My sister Denise may be moving back home again temporarily. That will be fun. I'm involved in a awesome men's Bible study on Wed. nights and I go erratically to a book club and movie night thingy on Thurs. nights. I attend usually Frontline church on Sunday nights and sometimes go to Reston Bible Church on Sunday mornings and Saturday nights. I've also been erratically working out with my sister Denise and her boyfriend Will at 5:30am the past few weeks. It's been good for me in terms of getting in shape, but being that I can't discipline my sleeping habits, it can be bad for me too. I'm so tired all the time, whether I sleep a lot or not. I think I have malaria or something. It's probably a unique disease and doctors in the future will call it "Ebb Syndrome". -Most of you know I'm in a relationship with a girl now, Marit (pronounced "mär-it"). It's my first real relationship with a girl so it's new territory for me, but very exciting. This summer has been mostly great so far, but issues/concerns do seem to always rain on our parade sometimes; some of them valid, some not. It'd be impossible for me to articulate all the things going on. It's just difficult (as I'm sure most people would say relationships are). The moment I think an obstacle or barrier falls down in our relationship, another one comes up. Is this a sign from God that the relationship isn't right, or right just wrong time? Or are they just trials that are meant to strengthen our relationship for down the road? It's always interesting how people I respect and love will completely see things and give me advice differently. The difficulty I have is who to listen to; those that think they're signs to pull away from the relationship, those that think they're trials that merely strengthen the relationship, or what I feel personally which may be a combination of both really. Many times I'm very conflicted. It is très frustrating sometimes. Marit is only here for another two months before she goes back to school and living in Utah for a long time. I pray God will give us the grace and guidance to make the right decisions regarding our relationship and the future. -It's interesting how far I've come along since my "default" Christian days and how very far I still need to go. If there's one thing people can't deny, it's that the authentic Christian life isn't stagnate or boring. God is constantly molding us and shaping us and refining us. This transformation isn't fun or therapeutic though by any means. To be honest, for the most part it's very painful, confusing, and profound. Another thing it's taught me is another tenet of Christianity's uniqueness. Christ didn't come to make us feel better about ourselves, as all other religions attempt to do…he came to get us lost before he came to save us. It's through this convicting self reflection and pride annihilation that are eyes are "opened" and we finally are freed from the mortal coil we call humanness, post-Fall. What a unique concept; mortifying our pride first, because that is what ultimately enslaves us. A truth only found in the words of the Bible. Whom else has the words of Life? I won't get into specific issues that I've been struggling with lately (God's sovereignty and our sin, do innocent babies go to Hell?, dealing with alternate Biblical interpretation then my own (or Christian orthodoxy), major sin in my life, etc.) but it seems like there are so many things I'm tackling at the moment, both intellectual Christian spirituality and emotional Christian spirituality. And I want to think one day I'll get it all, but I know that's not true. So I guess it's an ever evolving journey of uncertainty and continual personal reformation until I die. At least life's short. Another thing I'm starting realize is that not having money (a lot that is) isn't the end of the world. When you're not pulling in a ton of money every month, or at least less then you were before at a certain point, it humbles you unlike many other things can, which is a good thing for me. I'm also realizing that no, I don't have to buy the latest and greatest games, DVDs, equipment (PSP notwithstanding). |
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