Top 10 ways we guys "sneak a peek" of T&A on the Metro


	» Random Thoughts Current Archive [an error occurred while processing this directive]

June 6, 2008- Top 10 ways we guys "sneak a peek" of T&A on the Metro

Please note: Yes this is tongue-in-cheek and sarcastic in tone. That said it is honestly candid and not without purpose. Please read the note to men and woman below.

10. Trailing

If you're walking in and out of the Metro or just down the busy streets of D.C. the oldest method still remains the best in terms of checking out a girl's posterior. Simply following a girl, yet maintaining a safe, non-sexual predator distance, will net you plenty of time to get a good survey of the situation. Metro Bonus: Going up Metro escalators has its advantages while utilizing this method.

9. Isometric Trailing

       Taking the trailing method one step further, the isometric trailing method helps you kill two birds with one stone. If you can maintain a strategic 45° angle as you trail a girl, again at a safe, non-sexual predator distance, you can not only get a three dimensional view of the back, you get a peek of what's up front; and in motion, which is always a bonus for guys. 9th grade geometry class enrollment rises %800!

8. Elevation Superiority

       Just as air superiority is imperative in warfare, elevation superiority is paramount for sneaking a peek of guys' favorite combination of two things coming together: cleavage. Loose blouses and button ups everywhere have been spotted out from guys seeking, and establishing, higher ground as a base for their nefarious operations. The top locales for elevation superiority on the Metro are the escalators going down and standing in the isle of the cars scanning for potential seated targets.

7. Staring

       Another tried and true method of spotting a woman's attributes is straight up staring at them. But be careful men, if you get caught staring you may get lashback that you wish upon no man. Taking a que from John Paul Jones's plan on colonial sea warfare against the British, the greatest tactic is "hit-and-run" here. You need to sneak your peek, but don't stay too long or you'll be overwhelmed by superior strength and firepower. You must preemptively reposition your wandering eyes before the opposition strikes back. Probably the most used method on the Metro.

6. Using the crowd as your ally

       Metro facilities can be known to get really crowded sometimes, especially during rush hour. You need to use this to your advantage. The crowd can become a valuable ally as you scope out potential viewing targets. They can be used to buffer dangerous staring lanes, camouflage your lustful eyes, and provide needed guilt-reduction means, because when you're lusting in a crowded area and not directly at a lone woman, somehow it doesn't feel as wrong. The drawback of crowds is the viewing lanes typically don't last very long, causing some frustrating black-outs of really good targets.

5. Ballston

       The reputation of being the hip, young professional "place-to-be" surely lives up to its name at this famous babe-happy Metro stop. Coming in on the orange line from Vienna during rush hour, you're greeted with a healthy influx of twenty-something hotties. That annoying "ding-dong, doors opening" jingle never seemed so sweet. Any of the various sneak a peek methods will do nicely from here on. The next few Metro stops all the way to Rosslyn keep the inflow going too, but Ballston is still the crown jewel. The sighs of men all ages and statuses on the Metro can be heard when the train leaves Ballston on the way out to Vienna during afternoon rush hour.

4. Crowded trains

       This is one of the more dangerous methods, but if you can manage it safely, the payoff is big. When Metro cars get really, really crowded there are opportunities to get really, really close to girls. If you can position yourself strategically, you can get great point blank views. At this proximity you can also get potential bonus olfactory and maybe even safe, non-sexual predator (come on people, we aren't talking about uber-pervert Japanese subways) tactile, sensations. This method is like playing the lottery though because the odds of getting in this situation with a visually pleasing female close by are slim most of the time. Usually you get some sweaty old man in a suit. Yuck. Vegas odds favor Ballston the most.

3. Hope it rains

       Self explanatory...

2. Platform Surveying

       The key to utilizing a couple of these methods is picking the best crop of females. I've touched upon Ballston and crowded trains, but your best bet to finding some good T & A is to take a long walk along the waiting platforms and really scope out some good potential. Remember, not all Metro cars are created alike. One car could have the Swedish Bikini Team touring the monuments and the next could have a bunch of disgruntled fifty-something men working for Uncle Sam in a cubicle without promise of pension anymore. I didn't say this would be easy. Sneaking peeks takes hard, strategic work.

1. Window Reflection Method: the ultimate fail-safe

       The #1 method to sneak a peek is also the safest. This method involves looking at the reflection of a ~~females' assets~~ female sitting down (or even standing up if she's shorter than you) on the window thereby eliminating the chance that she, or anyone else for that matter, will catch you trying to sneak a peek! Also, you look like you're just staring into space from the perspective of other people. It's really a win-win situation for male sexual deviance. You do sacrifice some lighting clarity and resolution by looking at the reflection instead of the real thing, but really it's a pretty close replica. The only drawback of this method is it can't be used when the Metro car is above ground. So when you leave Ballston say goodbye to most of the hot girls and this mostly flawless lust method. Though checking out cool cars on 66 is pretty fun…at least I think so.

To men:
You and I both know the depraced and outlandish tactics we use to appease our lust nature are downright sick and twisted. I hope this can resonate with and convict you as you say to yourself, "Yeah, I do that." I know walking around with our heads down or with blinders on isn't the answer. It's not a physical issues, it's a heart issue. Ask God for help and take care of it. Yeah it seems like a flustering and never-ending losing battle sometimes. But at least battle ~~Satan~~ it. Remember though, the first look is her fault, the second look is yours.

To women:
If you didn't already know, you now know some of the vile and ignoble methods we use to look at you all like meat. Don't fool yourself either; it may seem like none of this is going on as you're riding the Metro or whatever but let me assure you it is. And yes, your guy is guilt of at least some of these methods whether he admits it or not. A call to modesty is appropriate sure but I don't think wearing FLDS-type attire is the answer. It's our (men) problem. Though yes, being more conscientious about what and how you're wearing what you're wearing can go a long way in foiling any one of the aforementioned lust methods above. Also, do not think you or marriage will fix this glaringly asinine sin characteristic of ours. Only God can...so buyer beware.

"For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." -Jesus

EbbWorld.com is maintained by: Keith Wojciech