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August 22, 2010 - 30 Year Old Reflections: Wisdom for Twenty-Something Guys - Part I Well I started writing this back in November, when I did turn 30, but it's been on the backburner since then and I've added bits and pieces over the months since. But here are a collection of thoughts and hopefully general wisdom I've garnered up to this point that may be helpful for guys in their twenties. I've decided to split it up in two parts because it takes too long to format everything for my website. Start giving now A curious thing happens when you graduate college and get a full-time job. You start getting paid money for all your hard work…as opposed to having to pay money to work hard (aka "school"). This will be a shock at first, and may cause you to want to subvert the system like Tyler Durden, but eventually you'll hopefully settle into the agreeable situation that is the "9-5" world. The thing you want to avoid early on, if not starting from your first paycheck, is acting like an Ebenezer Scrooge. I know it can be hard early on, what with all the new payments and expenses you're facing (i.e rent, car payments, school loans, etc.), but it is imperative that if you value charity whatsoever, that you start a giving mentality and lifestyle early on in your twenties. Because before you know it, real expenses (mortgage, children, house repairs, etc.) will start to pile up…and if you're not already a habitual financial giver, good luck having the fortitude to start then. You want to know what is important to a twenty-something (or any adult for that matter)? Look at their monthly credit card and bank statement. Don't grow up What's with all these guys ditching their old NES's on Ebay? Huh, keep that thing dude; your childhood basically is encompassed within that. Is the $80 that important? What's with hanging up the BMX bike, or taking down those Lamborghini Countach posters in your room? I'm all for getting a real job, exhibiting some adult stability and responsibility, and generally distancing yourself from immature activities of little adult value…but don't completely neglect what you always used to love. Don't be embarrassed about those video games laying on the table, t-shirts, or those cartoons you DVR'd off of Boomerang TV. And if you get involved with a girl that's embarrassed for you...well consider ditching her. She's probably still bitter her mom sold her My Little Pony's anyways. Yes, you can go overboard with this. The 30-year-old guy that collects are the rare figurines from his favorite cartoon shows and sleeps with them in his bed, in his parent's house…ok that guy needs to grow up. The guy that plays CoD against foul-mouthed 12-year-olds on Xbox Live all day needs to grow up. The guy that uses his favorite video game character's as real life pseudonyms needs to grow…err um I do that so nevermind that last one. Keep playing sports It's weird seeing guys that you played youth and high school sports with for the first time in like 10 years and you don't even recognize them because their athletic, fit physique that you remember is now a beer-bellied, couch potatofied physique. To see guys in only their late 20's get so old looking so quickly is just weird. Keep playing the sports you love guys - and go ahead and pick up some new ones. Don't think just because high school is over and the fraternity flag football team season is long over that you shouldn't keep playing sports and staying fit. Forget the staying fit to try to impress girls, do it just because it's still fun to do - not to mention it helps keep you from turning into a house. Don't play the marriage card either. Guarantee the wife would be happy to relieve you from daddy-duties once, maybe even twice, a week to play in that rec-league so you can fraternize with the guys and do your best to stay fit. And your kids will thank you for staying fit when you're able to play catch and go running with them as they get older. Go back to school I did not finish college after my first go at it. After coming home and joining the professional ranks in the IT industry, fear and debilitating pride prevented me from going back to school to finish my degree. I remember one time when I was about 24; a man I had just met at a science conference once told me that whatever I do, that I should go back and finish my college degree. I appreciated his concern but had at the time convinced myself a very successful career in IT could be had without a college degree. It surely can be, but the odds are more against you. Two years later I finally did swallow my pride and faced my fears by enrolling at the local community college to restart my journey in higher education. I got my bachelors degree at the age of 29. Was it difficult, humbling, frustrating, extremely tiring, and emotionally toiling? Yes totally. Was it also interesting, challenging, satisfying, youth-inducing, and sometimes even fun? Yup. You need to decide if the pros outweigh the cons - and there are a bunch of reasons for not going back to school that others have to face (i.e. family). But if in the end you realize it's just fear and pride holding you back…well that ain't a good enough reason. It wasn't for me. Go back to school. Finish what you started, or never started in the first place. Take pride in where you live, in what you drive We're all given different backgrounds and talents. Some of us have a lot and some of us have a little. Whether you live in a 5 bedroom condo overlooking the river or a small 200 cubic foot hole in the wall though, take pride in it and keep it well kept. It never ceases to amaze me how many of male peers seemingly take little to no pride in where they live; post-college. Sure if you own a place you're inevitably going to be more concerned about the premises, but even if you're renting, at least develop a habit of good stewardship…because eventually one day you'll own a place and the habits you form now will dictate how you treat it. I know culture, and college, lumps guys into the "slobs" category, but why do we have to succumb to it? I'm not saying we gotta be crazy Mr. Clean's all the time, but general cleanliness and organization can go a long way in developing a sense of pride where you live, a confidence of productivity, and not to mention guests feeling comfortable (thought this shouldn't be for show, it should be for yourself). In the same way, some people may drive brand spankin' new luxury mobiles, and some of us may tote around in rusted out buckets on wheels…but golly darn why not do your best to keep it the cleanest rusted bucket out there? Take some pride in what you drive. How you take care of your car (and other major possessions we have), lemon or not - says a lot about what kind of steward you are and whether people will trust you with things, physical or not, in all facets of life. It doesn't matter if your car is brand new or a few miles to dying…it doesn't take a mechanic's degree to throw away the soda cans, vacuum the backseat once in a while, and wash a car every so often. I can't believe how much crap/trash many of my peers leave in their cars…or how infrequent they wash them. You do know a cleaner, lighter car is a happier, faster car right? Be content in your singleness The number of male peers I've met in my life that were or are content in their singleness I can count on my fingers. Guys, often contrary to their outward appearances and facades, are an extremely insecure bunch. So many of us either need to be in a relationship or working, very hard it seems, to get into one. It's rare sight indeed, and when I say rare, I mean depressingly rare, to see a guy content in his singleness and not "looking". Single guys in my experience are almost always on the lookout. I don't think most guys even know what it's like to be alone, content with that, and just living. For you 20-somethings don't waste all your time chasing the girl or the relationship. If it comes to you, well congratualtions and enjoy. But if it doesn't…congratulations and enjoy. (I've actually met Christian guys before that said they want to get married before Jesus coming back. WTH? Geez, talk about missing the cosmic point.) Please also note I'm not talking to the time right after a break up. It's easy to act all "ok" and content for a few months after a breakup. I'm talking years here. That's the true test of single contentment. Of course I know these aspects will look different for everyone...all I'm sayin' is try to be cognizant of it. Don't try to relive the "glory days" or make-up for lack thereof Playing recreational sports in my 20's, and now my 30's, was and is a frustrating experience many times. Whether its ballin' it up on the courts or kicking a ball around on the field, some guys seem to think they're still trying out for varsity. This is just one aspect of young-adulthood that I've never been a fan of. I'm mean I'm all for trying your best and giving a good effort…but anything more than that is just childish. But you would not believe how serious some of these guys get in the most trivial of pick-up and rec league games. It's a stupid game dude…chill out. High school is long gone. If you were successful in sports in high school or college…well great, relish those memories and think and speak highly of the glory days. But please don't try to relive them. Hopefully by now you've realized they were fun times, but in the grand scheme of life and relationships, those sports achievements in particular were mostly meaningless. And if you were always the last man to get cut from the team…well I'm sorry to break the news, but you still didn't make the team and the tryout is over. Sure I know you probably want to prove those coaches wrong still by freaking out on the pick-up game at the local bball courts so you can prove it to your buddies, and more power to you for improving your game, but leave the high school "I got cut when I was better than the guy that made the team" vendettas back in high school. So please don't take rec sports too seriously. Sure enjoy them and give your best effort…I'm not talking about mailing it in…but don't make it the world's most important thing and be ok with losing or someone on your team making a mistake. At this point it shouldn't be about the game but the relationships with your teammates. Temper Expectations Have some great expectations? Temper them. People telling you now that you've graduated college that the "world is your oyster"? Be skeptical about that at best. More often than not you'll find your 20's will be filled with unmet expectations…so save yourself some heartache and set those goals and expectations a bit closer to the troposphere. I'm not saying eliminate them altogether…but just know that life is a bit more difficult than you think and expectations are much harder to placate then you may believe. Is this fun and exciting wisdom to parlay? Of course not. But better to be prepared because the worst thing is when you get to 30 and you realized people lied to you about aspects of life. If there's a moral to this point; don't put all your hope and faith in this world and what you can accomplish whilst in it. Just be faithful in the responsibilities and opportunities God gives you now. 30-Year-Old Reflections - Part II Topics in Part 2: Don't get married (hear me out, it's not what you think) Work long hours before you get married, and especially before you have kids Don't neglect family Don't have a lot of girlfriends, it's not cool to do to your family and friends Work out/stay in show now while you can Don't think with your you-know-what all the time Charm is deceptive and… Take chances while you can Don't have premarital sex, it can make babies Don't let your pride get the best of you |
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