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August 31, 2009- "I'm Sorry If I Offended You"
Ah…how one word can so subtly, yet so powerfully, change the underlying
motives of an apologizing individual. The word "if" inserted into this statement by celebrities, politicians, sports
stars, and regular folk like us has always baffled me and I would argue it basically nullifies the apology.
When you add the "if" to the apology you're basically saying that you don't believe the person who feels offended first off. Using "if" calls into question not only the circumstances surrounding the offense but it also marginalizes the offendee's perspective of what happened (which is actually the opposite of what you want to do with an apology which is recognize someone's worth). You see when someone is offended, they're offended, regardless of what you think. So adding the "if" says that you don't really Further I'd argue the "if" is added mostly because of unrelenting pride. The offender does not want to admit they offended someone and adding the "if" gets them off the hook because they're not admitting any fault of their own. But this defeats the purpose of the apology which is to exhibit complete humility, whether you think you were justified or not and whether you think you they should've been offended or not. So many people add the "if" because they can't humble themselves enough. Even in supposed contrition, we will still hold onto our pride. It frustrates me to hear people say that statement. When they apologize like that you know they're not genuine. Only someone that admits fully that they are sorry for offending, hurting, etc. someone, whether they think they did or not, is potentially truly apologizing (obviously you cannot completely known someone's heart). Often times when someone is offended by me or my words I feel I was justified in using them, or further they're out of line to claim to be offended. Regardless though of what I think, the only way to apologize is to admit I did offend them…not if I offended them. Don't make half-@$$ apologies people, just drop the pride and really apologize. |
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